definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
