mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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