I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were trust falling into bushes
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