is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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