i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
