Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
