sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
