So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
