It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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