Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
