I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
