I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
how does that bad decision feel?
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