i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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