it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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