and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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