remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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