I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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