i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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