It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
