did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
