garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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