I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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