Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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