I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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