Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
