I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your cock deserves a montage
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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