ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ttyl tear gas
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
