Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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