OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
