Having a random hookup so left but love u
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
