My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
