i think my mom watched the whole time
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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