the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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