Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
