I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
