We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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