I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
