was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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