Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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