please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
