I have demons in me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
