he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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