what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
