I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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