I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize