he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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