3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
