It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
