grandma shit on top of the toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Randomize
