There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
