I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
