Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
