Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
