If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
someone owes me an orgasm
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
