Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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