i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
