I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
