I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
