Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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