so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
