I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
