Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Green mimosas i think yes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
