We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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