so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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