I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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