Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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