i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
