dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
