so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
