Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
