I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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