I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
