hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
