Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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