I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
