I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
