Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
