nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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