Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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