mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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