i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
