He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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