If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
