it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
