see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
