Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dick very happy bro
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
