remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
