I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
