no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
