did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
