Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
